Play With My Hair

from Brain Fear Gone by Jaime Martin

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lyrics

Play with My Hair

I leaned my head onto her shoulder, and she caressed my hair
I said, “Don’t do that”
“And by don’t do that, I mean, do it again”
“But don’t do that”
“And by that I mean, do it over and over again”
But don’t do it again
Because that’s just another thing I won’t get to have tomorrow
Another thing we won’t do for each other
In the mornings we won’t have together
When I was younger, I kept it short because it was easier to manage
Still do
And also so during sparring matches in Karate
I wouldn’t overheat under my headgear
Look around, most of us fighters have short hair
So no can grab it
Use it as an easy way to manipulate your head
But your soft caress, fingers running through scalp
That’s a much different sensation
A different way of manipulating the head
Fingers reaching deep into genetic simian memory
Social grooming only seems a cruel term when you don’t understand what it really is
This is how we build intimacy, family, community, still
This is what your mother did to comfort you when you were a child
This is what helped you sleep
This is what we would have laughed about while dancing
The “ow my eye” when you whip around to fast
Nuzzling the back of your head while spooning in bed
Is really sweet until someone can’t breathe
The tiny hairs in the small places that stand up to soft touch
Breath, kisses
Tracing lines with fingers to learn contours, rhythms
This is you build foundations
How “someone I’m seeing” becomes “my girlfriend”
This where comfort becomes intimacy
Where intimacy becomes love
This is the scent that blindsides you some idle Sunday morning
When you slip on a t-shirt she borrowed when she stayed overnight
Never comes out your sheets no matter how many times you wash them
This is what you implied when you played with my hair
So don’t do that
And by do that I mean do it again
But don’t do that
Unless you intend to do it again
And again
And again

credits

from Brain Fear Gone, released April 16, 2012
Recorded with Justin Woo

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about

Jaime Martin New York, New York

Jaime Martin is a writer, performer, comic artist, and professional nerd. He currently lives and works in New York City and wishes they would bring Firefly back.